// Of Love//

Since this week is the V day week, I think it’s the right time to share my thoughts on love.

Love love love. All I know is that I’m not an expert on that. Haha. Never was, never is and never will be. Many great minds have tried to explain what love is. But I guess it will and always be subjective.

As for me, I’ve never been truly in love. I may have bits of kilig and heartbroken moments, but I think I’ve never been in that gooey lovey dovey situation. I’d love to, but right now, it’s just not for me. I think I still got lots of issues when it comes to taking a chance with someone.

Primarily, my acads are so demanding! Like suuperr. My course doesn’t allow me to ‘feel’. Because feeling entails attention and consumes time. Feeling happy, stressed, sad, etc. needs time. And I can’t get myself that affected because I know my acad responsibilities will be affected. I still need to learn to deal with emotions because I can be quite impulsive.

I can feel. Every now and then, yes. There are guys who would come along, make me smile and make me feel like I’m the prettiest and most special girl in the whole wide world. But they would not stay. Or sometimes, they are not even allowed to stay.

And sometimes, it just ain’t for us. As much as we want to be with each other, the time is not for us. Hindi lang talaga pwede. Quite sad. I remember someone told me this,

“Perhaps no matter how badly we want someone in our lives or how hard we try to fix the broken, some things aren’t meant to be.”

And that pretty sums it all much.

A few things to share perhaps?

I’ve been in a stalker situation. You know, following the guy everywhere and using all your resources just to get information about your crush. I’ve been also a secret admirer! Yes, I’ve done that twice, I think - sending anonymous texts and gifts to the guy who I think never even looked twice at me at school. Funny things youth does to you. hehe.

I’ve been also the hurt friend because the guy I like likes my pretty bff. And I just couldn’t do something about it except to wish that I am prettier, and that I am the you know, the maputi, long haired, makinis-muse at school girl.

What more? I’ve also fallen into that maangas bad boy who thinks that I’m too Ms. Nice and boring for him. I’ve been also that super nice bestfriend Kim Chiu’s character in ‘Paano na kaya?’ movie. You know, the one he looks for because he is hurt, he needs someone to understand him because his girl wouldn’t. And I just had no choice to content myself on that.

Ano pa ba?

I’ve also been involved with a geek weirdo guy who I just took a chance with because I just wanted to experience what it feels like to have someone. And because I think no one better would ever take a chance with me.

Also came a time when I’ve truly fallen for someone very nice and very caring. A simple guy next door who was my classmate, groupmate turned ultimate crush. Turned MU. Turned whatever I don’t even know what to call. But we didn’t end up together. And until now, I still speculate the details why. But until now, we’re good friends. Just friends.

I’ve also had someone who was really a crush/friend who I think is good for me, but he thinks otherwise. So ofcourse, nothing happened. And again, we are good friends. Such a cliche in my life. haha.

Yes, disappointment is part of my lovelife. Sometimes it’s already tiring na. But gow, keri lang. Go on with the fight for the search for Mr. Right. Not Mr. Perfect.

What more pa ba?

The kilig experiences? Madami din. But what I think is common with my lovelife is the untimely timing of things. I’m not fortunate when it comes to timing in terms of my lovelife.

Most of the time, hindi pwede. I always get that. ‘Kung pwede lang sana..Kung sana noon..Kung sana ganito, ganyan.’ Sometimes mauuna si kuya, then ako late reaction. Sometimes naman, it’s the other way around. When andyan na, ako naman ang may issue.

I’ve been also in a situation where I am not allowed to fall for the guy. Bawal. Sabi sa libro ng pag-ibig, no deal. And as much as I wanted to be with this person, hindi pwede. It’s either I get hurt or someone else will. Nakakainis lang. However, he is also still a friend right now.

Galing no? Always friends ang ending ng aking kwento. Oh well, that’s pretty much me. I was able to keep these special guys but not that way I want to - friends.

So when people ask me why I’m single (which I frequently get)? I only have these answers in mind.

I’m single because I’m afraid to be eaten by emotions that I might lost my responsible self, no one ever really stood up and asked a chance with me and that I have an unexplainable bad luck with timing. :)

Soon, let’s just hope things might turn into a different turn. But for now, I’m just going to study, learn and explore things about adulthood and the freedom it brings, go on traveling, meeting new people, party, watch concerts and movies, and a whole lot of other things which make me happy and grow as a person :)

And this, I think deserves to be my comeback blogpost after being inactive for 3 years. Gotta start with some love!