// The Antonio’s (Tagaytay) Experience//

First, let me warn you. This place is pricey. It also has a dress code so dapat hindi pambahay ang aura nyo. Medyo pang date naman and smart casual, pwede na :) Well, for us, students (ahem to my working friends) this entails a one thousand and more peso meal. At minimum. Lowest meal costs around P1450 and the most expensive costs around P17,000 EACH. Yes, each person. haha. And you also have to have a reservation (Thanks to Raiza and her cousin) :D They don’t allow walk-ins sa pagkakaalam ko.

So anyway, what matters naman is who you’re with and the whole experience which is surprisingly, worth it! haha We had lots of fun chit chatting and touring the restaurant. Let the pictures talk and tell their story na lang.

I also took a shot of their menu. Walang ginto ang pagkain nila. Sadyang ganyan lang. So better have cash when bet mo mag fly mo dito. or better, bring your parents along! ;) or your rich boylet. or kung sino man haha

Here’s the entrance. More vines and fresh air ang ganap nila. Very well maintained ang place. So I guess you’ll know where pumupunta yung earnings nila.

The door entrance.

The lobby with the owners’ ancestors. Parang old ancestral house slash hacienda sya turned into a resto. May victorian and old Spanish era ang feel.

And the stairs. More picture lang kami.

So here goes the foodam. We were served an appetizer of a bread with sesame seeds on top and butter. The butter was excellent. Pinapak ko nga eh hehe pero the bread was uhm, nothing special.

First we were served salad. It was nice, if you’re a salad freak. Pero if not, uhm, I don’t think you’d enjoy the salad. They call this their Antonio’s House Salad. I gave it a 7/10. Rai: 6/10. Dudday: “Hindi ko maubos!”

Then goes the highlight! Their Mushroom-Capuccino Soup! I thought medyo nabingi lang ako una, but no. Mushroom soup plus capuccino nga sya. Happiness! Weird pero ansarap! hahaha 11/10 ang score ko!

Here’s raiza after taking her first sip. All she said was “Ansaya!” Bongga to. “Looks weird at first pero it is really something good!”

Homemade Ravioli with Minted Veal Cheeks, Goat Cheese and Creamed Tartufo. Hmmm. Sorry, but we didn’t like this. Nothing really special about it. Turuan pa kami sino uubos. hehe

Organic-Free Range Chicken Leg Confit. (Fr. Antonio’s Farm) with Bourbon Tomato on Pesto Mascarpone Risotto. The chicken was nice naman, same as Max’s yung style. Pero ang bongga ay yung Risotto! Clap clap. First time ko to really taste one and well, I’m sorry to the future risottos na kakainin ko. My standards are up!

For our dessert, di ko na maalala mga exact na pangalan ng mga inorder namin. But this one is their flourless cake. Bongga naman. But I think I can bake a better tasting cake than this. hehe pero a must try kasi intriguing kasi flourless nga daw. haha

Here is Rai’s. Di ko maalala name neto eh pero neither the three of us enjoyed. Lasang gamot yung coffee ice cream on top of a meringue. And there was also something on top of the ice cream. Something something. hehe

And ofcourse, here comes the clap clap dessert. Choco terrine with pistachios. Basta sya yung pinakamahaba ang name sa menu ng dessert nila. Naintriga lang kami kaya inorder namin. Eto na talaga yon, very sosyal ang lasa and winner na winner. Can’t get enough! Chinika ko pa yung chef about this. I asked what’s the difference nya with gelato. Parang higher level pa daw sya ng gelato and less yung air and di sya madaling matunaw compared to gelato and our common gallon ice creams.

We were also served a very nice tea afterwards. :)

Here are more pictures of the place.

Overall the experience was worth it kasi I was with two of my best girlfriends. Sarap kwentuhan and tawanan. In terms of experience, I’d give it a 9/10. Pero yung food, extremes kasi. There were super nice and there were below average. Or maybe we had no idea lang what is really the best to order. Or baka naman yung tumataginting na 17k ang tunay na masarap haha. Anyway, it’s nice to go back here, but first siguro, ask for their bestsellers so it’s really gonna be worth every peso. ;D

// A pageant experience (Ansabe?!)//

(Post made last Jul-19 Thu. Late post.)

Disclaimer: I am not a pageant person. :)

Never ko naimagine ever na rarampa ako sa stage wearing daring outfits. Or let’s just say I am not the type of person who knows herself and whom everybody expects to go on strutting her stuff on the stage. Masarap rumampa, yes, pag kaharap mo lang ang closest friends mo or just a mirror. But infront of a bunch of people, oh no. Nakaka panic mode on.

Nag back out na talaga ako sa Ms. Vetlympics kasi like what I said, feel ko hindi keri ng powers ko irampa ang beauty ko sa madlang people. But after all the drama and thinking, and a touch of guilt, I decided gogora na ako. Why? Kasi when I press released na hindi na ako tutuloy, I felt so anxious na what if tumuloy ako, ano kayang feeling? Di naman ako sanay na masyadong nabibigyan ng attention in those kinds of crowds, kaya I felt really really curious. I knew it will be a whirlwind experience, yet I know I’ll learn a lot. So with a shaking system, I said yes (again) to UPACS.

And so here were the pictures of me last Monday. It was very very surreal, really. Panaginip levels! Hindi ako kinabahan, natakot, whatsoever. Dunno, nafeel ko lang na ienjoy yung experience. Para lang akong naglalaro. Whatever I felt doing and saying gow. I smiled, winked, stared, raised my eyebrow, etc. I felt like a little girl playing around the stage wearing different outfits.

Yes, I wore a red two piece bikini infront of everyone. Haha! Madaming nagulat how I showed some skin onstage. Pero I was thinking kasi summer themed, and believe it or not, I was comfortable with everything I did! I never thought na magiging memorable ang pagtataas ko ng sarong. Up to the point na ipapabonus pa sa quiz ang name at kulay ng bikini na suot ko! Every compliment was deeply appreciated, promise. Di ko nafeel na nagmaganda ako or anything, ang super nafeel ko ay keri ko pala maging ganun ka confident. In short, makapal pala fez ko! Haha

I had lots of fun meeting new people and smiling all night. :) di ko din inexpect to win anything, especially ang bobongga ng mga other contestants. Mas type ko sumocialize kaysa kareer-rin makipagcompete. Haha. Di ko naman talaga knows how beauty pageants work. I just told myself to stay real and ifeel ang moment. :)

Lakas maka donya ng outfet ko. haha

Gow confidence! ;p

Wala akong masight na picture nung aking big reveal. haha. Eto na lang may pic. Buti naman ;))

Sorry naman. Lost ako. Busy ako kaka stomach in. HAHA

With Adrian. Rampa rampa lang. hehe May moonleaf drink pala akong hawak. Sponsored!

Antaba ko lang sa shot nato. Wala akong makitang deceiving shot eh. haha

Donya talaga ang peg ko that night. haha

With my machong escort, Barney. hahaha

Yey! Akalain mo, may nakaappreciate ng mga pinaggagawa ko? ;)

Haggardness. With Pau and Ate Gel. :D

With the ever supporting people. Mga taga boost ng self confidence ko. haha Love you!

With surgery friends! After kong harrasin nang bongga si Emil. Pics soon!

Oh debah? Beauty queen ang peg. hehe ;)

I put this bouquet on Lola’s coffin and sinama din sya sa cremation nya.

Ang may kagagawan ng lahat! haha

Photos are from Arriane Baluyut/UP VetSoc :D

// LOSS//

I never really understood what the word ‘loss’ is in my life. I may lost a few material things, some friends, and pets, but I could move on and forget easily because I would always remind myself that there are better things I have and their is no point in getting emotional over something lost or someone that left. In short, I can be quite optimistic about it.

But now, it’s hard. Because my Lola is not replaceable. She’s the only one I’ve got. Walang kapalit, walang substitute. The love, the care, the presence is not replaceable by anyone or anybody. She’s a very big part of who I am and my foundation as a person. Kaya when she surprisingly left, I felt something inside me broke down and shattered. I wasn’t ready to be left by someone like her.

I would always go to my grandparents’ house every now and then. Not because I am wanted, but because I need to go there. I wanted to. I feel safe. I feel at home. The happiest memories of my childhood live in that house. Pag pagod ako sa acads, stressed sa buhay, lagi ako lilipad papunta dun just to talk to my lola. To the hardest academic battles and the petty things such as my bitterness dahil sa panget na boyfriend ng friend/s ko I’d tell her. And she would always support me all the way. Mas lumalakas ang loob ko and tumatapang ako whenever I leave that house kasi I’d always bring my lola’s words with me. I was never out of place in my lola’s life. My opinions, my stories were all entertained and listened to.

She would always worry about me. My lola is a very strong woman – matapang, mataray, masungit as they all say. But to me, she was never like that. One of the things I’d always remember about her is that she doesn’t want me to be alone. Ayaw na ayaw nyang naiiwan ako mag isa. When I go to Manila or kahit sa SM Calamba lang, she would always tell me na maghanap ako ng kasama. She would make my lolo call me every now and then just to check where I am. Kaya naman minsan, kahit wala akong kasama sa aking escapades, I’d tell her na lang na may kasama ako just to spare her the worry. Alam ko, kung kaya pa ng katawan nya, sasamahan nya ako. At isasama ko rin naman sya. I’d tell myself, sana she has the strength para maisama ko sya sa paggagala ko. And pag malungkot ako kasi I realize wala na naman akong kasama, I’ll just think of her and Lolo then okay na ako. Knowing that they are there, hindi ko man sila kasama lagi, gives me a certain strength to face a whole lot of things by myself.

One of the earliest memories I have with my Lola was when I was around three or four years old. My parents would stop me from feeding from my baby bottle by hiding the bottles and giving me a glass of milk. Until now, the feeling of being deprived from my baby bottle is still fresh to me. Alam ko pa yung feeling. There’s a certain ‘safety’ associated with feeding from a baby bottle and I hated that that feeling was being taken away from me. And my Lola knows that. We have our own set of baby bottles inside her closet. Sa gabi, magtatago sya ng bottle sa duster nya, we’d go to the kitchen and get some milk. Then tatago nya ulit sa duster nya tapos I’d drink the milk inside her room until makatulog na ako. It’s one of the safest feelings I had in my life, knowing that my Lola was there to let me feed on my baby bottle.

The second memory is the ‘butong pakwan’ experience. Every night, my Lola and I would watch a certain circus show on ABC (Channel 5). I remember na it’s one of the things I look forward to every night, watching that circus show. Lola was opening the butong pakwan seeds while ako, taga kain lang. haha. Then all of a sudden, I realized I put a seed inside my nose! Funny, di ko din maexplain until now how it got there. Basta all I remembered was nasa ilong ko na sya and I couldn’t get it out. I was rushed to the hospital and I was bonggang nagwawala and crying kasi I didn’t want doctors to put their instruments inside my nose. They had to bind my hands and feet using a blanket para lang marestrain ako. Luckily, they were able to pull that shitty butong pakwan seed and I didn’t have to undergo surgery. What an experience. ;)

Other memories include our family trips to Tagaytay, grocery shopping, watching Lola write her lesson plan and compute her students’ grades, weddings of my uncles, graduations and birthdays. Of all the moments I consider important in my life, more than half of it Lola was there. I remember she even gave me a black Labrador puppy on my birthday, a bracelet which has my engraved name on it, a necklace in which my zodiac sign was imprinted on, a green dress which I used in my high school graduation party, bonggang Tommy Hilfiger and Tianella bags, sets of make up, and a lot lot more. She gave me a lot of things. A lot.

Ang aking curly hair ngayon ay sponsored din nya, the look for my Phil Fashion Week experience ay galing din sa kanya, basta madami. Lahat ng kakikayan at kaartehan ko sa buhay, all that was supported by my Lola. I don’t know what to call that kind of support my Lola gave me throughout my life, di ko alam kung may tamang word pa to call or describe it. However, I am just sure of one thing, my Lola loved me and that I was never a ‘wala lang’ to her. I was important. I am a ‘someone’ to her.

Latest memories include all our kwentuhan whenever I go to carbern, lahat ng experiences nya sa buhay, she and lolo’s memories together, mga manliligaw nya, her studies, memories nya nung war days, stories about Papa and my uncle’s childhood, and a lot lot more. Marami syang kwento, masarap syang kwentuhan because I always learn new things from her. And like what I said, ang importante sa akin was how she listens to everything I say. Even though she’s my lola and I am much younger than her, I never felt that all my stories were less important to her. They all matter.

I knew she has been sick. Dapat nga she’ll be going through dialysis pa although these past month, she got better. I saw her go through her sickness and how it was hard for her. Lagi syang giniginaw, experiencing headache, nausea, hirap maglakad and all. Pero kahit her body was giving her reasons to slow down, when it comes to me and Carlo, she never changed. Kung paano sya nung malakas pa sya, she’s still the same though I know nahihirapan na sya. Pinapagluto nya pa din kami when we go there. She knows our favourite  dishes and the food we don’t eat. All the things we tell her, naaalala nya to the littlest details. All the important people in my life, kilala nya. All that kinakamusta nya whenever we talk.

It’s very hard to accept that Lola is not here anymore. Alam ko, at one point she’ll leave pero not this soon. Especially that we are all thinking she’s doing better compared to last year. I never imagined that she’ll leave us this way. Biglaan and all – no drama, not in a hospital. It will be so hard. Until now, I still fool myself by believing I’m just dreaming and pag pumunta ako sa Carbern, makikita ko lang si Lola dun and magkekwentuhan ulit kami. Hindi pa ako naniniwala that these are all real. Umiiyak pa din ako. At alam kong iiyak pa din ako nang iiyak.  I know she’s in a better place right now and for that I am happy for her. But as for myself, di ko alam. Di ko pa maimagine how to get through without my lola. I feel alone without her. Nahihirapan din ako to see Lolo and Tita Wena go through losing her. Di ko alam san kukuha ng strength to be there for them kasi even myself, I feel left behind.

For now, I’ll just let myself grieve. Iiyak muna ako hanggang maubos. And hopefully, one of these days, I’ll get to feel better and accept the truth. Masakit pa. Ayoko pa. I still feel all these resisting emotions na hindi ko pa malabanan.

Lola, thank you po sa lahat. Sa lahat lahat.  I love you.

Til we meet again.